This is my journey with CPTSD caused from my years working in EMS and my goal of raising awareness, finding other first responders in need of support and directing them to get help and do whatever I can to prevent anyone else from having to live this hell

A little of my PTSD Background…

Looking back when I worked the trucks, I never thought it would happen to me, but the red flags were always there. I pushed everyone away, ran away, shut everything out and hurt people. Pretty much disappeared for about 20 years running around messing more things up. … I’m sorry!!!

I loved EMS but when I ran I shut it ALL out… that hurt and made things worse but I continued to hide.

After years of “knowing” but denying my PTSD as well as not realizing what it did. I’ve realized I had to accept the fact that I have it, I always will and I need to treat it. I wasn’t alone… there are many more like me out there and how I felt was a normal reaction of my brain protecting itself as well as being incredibly more widespread than I ever could have imagined.

Some hope…

About a year ago I finally found a culturally competent therapist that understands first responders after years of looking and years of being told there were only a handful across the country that could treat me. (They were wrong… they are out there)

I’m not going to hide anymore, I want to start reconnecting with old friends I’ve shut out over my years of isolation even just to say hi.

This all brings me to where I am today.

I am so impressed with the change in mental health awareness for first responders and love the reminders like #buddycheck and #RUOK.

With all the struggles I have had dealing with my CPTSD and not finding the help or answers I was looking for I have done a lot of searching for answers. The biggest thing that changed the direction I was headed was realizing what I was going through was normal for what I was going through and there are many others like myself… Out of the field and suffering.

Being out of the field I loved caused many other issues as well. Sense of belonging, sense of purpose, my work “family”, everything I worked for or was a part of was gone.

I want to get the awareness out there about PTSD and direct anyone to the help they need…. But I really would like a push to check on retired or former first responders. These are people many of us worked with so who better to reach out to check in.

But, understanding I need to watch my health first.